No.66: The Waiter , 1988

I wore my bow tie
I went to the town
And I waited ,
And waited
I waited
And I waited .....
But she never turned up .

No. 67 : Crystal Ball, 1987

Chained to a crystal ball :
This world's epitome

Where all that is seen
Is rated by a company

I view the pain the misery ;
A cry for help; I sip my tea

And when my time is up
will millions watch in silent indignation ?

Or would they rather stand up
And switch to another station ?

No. 68: The Ballet , 1983

There was an old man form Calais
Who was hell bent on learning the ballet

When he attempted a spin
The ceiling caved in

And burried him under his chalet .

No. 69 :Moving Nowhere ,1985

Humid is the afternoon
With steaming beads of sweat
I set my sail

On concrete oceans
Filled with mist
And cardboard lies

And hopes that swim
Around my mind that splash
And fade and fade then die

A 60 m.p.h nomad stripped
Of my belongings yet
A mere possession of theirs am I

Alienation ; A punishment
For the curious painter's eye
For the afflicted poet's cry

For those that see and are seen
By themselves and knowing it's futile
Continue to say:

'The spirit clothed in flesh
Is all that counts '
Enter my fellow man:

And that too
A substitute , secreted
From a turpentine gland

And if you're really a man
Rest assured ..
For I am your fellow, man

Alone in a prison cell tonight
Both for small and petty is the cry
Mother Earth perpetually spews

For thy neighbour
Has not loved
His closest

Ulyssese the merciful
A young boy it was
That branded you cruel

To the island of Ithaca The waves ride me now
Back to the summit
Where the sea breaks the sand .

No.70: Frank, 2007

There was a young man named Frank
Who'd never learnt how to ****

He looked at some porn
He got on the horn

Then poured out some whisky and drank .

No. 71: Commuters, 1985

Breakfast TV followed by breakfast
Traffic jam or tube?
A choice to reunite this morning
With our fellows
To curse and discharge arrows
From our eyes
At our faceless, distant
But too close , unknown brethren
To the office, the factory floor
Far removed , tedious ,monotonous
Unbearable deeds of servitude
In order to spear the unsuspecting prey
And drag it yelling from the check out
All the way back to our lonely caves.

No.72: Cuckoo, 1986

I met a Cuckoo bird
And Koulla's what they call her

In size she's small ,in heart she's large
With slapstick sense of humour

If I locked her in a cage ,with door open
So that she could fly

I'm sure that she would return and tweet
For me , or I would turn to sky

No.73: The Bees, 2007

There was a young man from Belize
Who hugged and made love to the trees

An angry rose bush
Gave a hell of a push

And now he's an arse full of bees

No. 74: Fact and Fiction, 2007

The amount of fact that is presented as fiction is equal to the fiction that is dressed up as fact .

No.75: Work, 1990

Robin Sturgeon , worked in a furniture factory . He did not like his job , but he had to do something for a living .
Each day ,on his way to and from work , he used to see an old man seated by the local river bank, who seemed to be staring into the river and sometimes at the sky.
As time passed ,Robin soon got married ,this meant he had to work for some extra hours in the factory . After a while , together with his wife Annie , they decided to buy a house of their own and a car . To achieve this Robin took on all the extra hours of work offered to him by his employers which meant he had to give up his regular football training , which he used enjoyed so much .
A few years later , Robin and Annie had children. So as well as having to cope with six very long days at the factory , Robin took up part-time house painting and decorating which he carried out at nights and on Sundays . He did what ever he could to generate that so much needed extra income.However , this meant that Robin had to stop visiting the local pub which he only used to do once weekly in order to meet up with some friends and enjoy his darts game.
Robin was an extremely hard worker and managed to do his own motor car repairs
and household maintenance in order to avoid paying costly professionals.
In the very little time he had to himself , Robin stayed at home with Annie and their two children ; Stuart and Jenny. Both Robin and his wife were just too worn out and exhausted to take their children out for the day.
One summer's day whilst leaving the factory , on his way to do some evening painting and decorating , Robin realised that the house he was heading for, was very near the spot that the idle old man occupied upon the river bank. Having three and a half minutes to spare, Robin's curiousity got the better of him. He hurriedly approached the old man and almost angrily asked if he had ever worked in his life.
'No' . Replied the old man.'I don't have the time'.

No. 76: The Sea, 2007

There was a young woman from Leigh
Who yearned to make love to the sea

Once into the mood
Dived into it nude

And got wet as she trembled with glee

No. 77: Religion , 1990

Baz-Dar , the King of Thriscally was also the the high priest of the island's ancient and respected religion, Bazism .

One day as Baz- Dar sat in his holy temple meditating upon the holy scriptures of his forefathers , he realised that there was no mention in any of the sacred texts that the prophets ever ate potatoes. Being very concerned that the purity of the ancient teachings should be preserved , Baz-Dar decided to legislate against the eating of potatoes throughout Thriscally in order that his people remain close to God. Many of the faithful immediately obeyed the new law , however some objected on grounds of principle and others objected purely because they were in the business of selling potatoes. But the vast majority of those who opposed
the new law ,did so simply because they could not afford to eat anything else but potatoes.

Now many of the potato-eaters had to go into hiding to avoid persecution and to be able to cook their potatoes in peace .Bazism, the religion of Thriscally, had split into two factions.Life became very difficult for the potato-eaters , they had become second class citizens with no more hope of living their lives with dignity as Baz-Dar's oppressive regime took hold of them.Many had died of starvation until there was no other choice but to organise an armed struggle by forming para- military groups of freedom fighters.
Years of sporadic, mindless bloodshed escalated into a full scale civil war .After several years of fierce battles causing enormous destruction throughout the once beatiful and tranquil island, the potato-eaters had emerged victorious .
Baz-Dar was eventually captured by the resistance and imprisoned for life where he was force fed boiled potatoes three times daily.

The potato-eaters eventually ceased hostilities , established peace and formed a secular , democratic republic. Royalty had been abolished and religion was now to be a private affair of choice with no influence over the affairs of the government in order to maintain freedom of choice for every individual citizen.The new democratic republic even granted an amnesty to all the non potato-eaters thereby permitting them to abstain from eating potatoes.Yes , Thriscally had restored its former glory .
One day during the assembly of the democratic peoples' republic of Thriscally , it was pointed out by one representative of the people that some citizens were seen biting their finger nails in public. This was deemed unworthy of a free citizen living in a democracy.Soon , finger nail biting was to become illegal.....

No.78; Bed Time Story ,1983

Rocking in my bed alone
I rock ,rock , rock to my own song
The bed shakes as I groan
I've been a baby for too long

For a dummy in my mouth
An invisible nipple I always keep
As I wet myself down south
I turn and resume my uneasy sleep

No. 79: Bureaucracy ,2007

There is a way of eliminating bureaucracy once and for all . It's simple: First , you fill in a form, tick off all the boxes that are relevant , take a copy ,rubber stamp it and start all over again .

No. 80: This Life, 2007

What is this life ?
And what are we?

I truly feel ashamed of what we are
This species , this genus that we are

Lets face it we are intelligent
Nobody doubts

This is made evident by our numbers alone
And how we are gifted

We have the brain to adapt to our environment
And survive regardless of larger beasts

Who although more physically powerful
Have gradually dwindled in population

Still I am ashamed and not proud of being me
Or you , have you ever thought about it?

Okay we have colonised the planet
we live all over the world

In rural areas and all the major cities
Yet where ever we go we do leave filth

I don't really believe we are responsible
For destroying this planet

But we have made a difference
We are not making the place any cleaner

And although we do manage to survive
Or even over populate yet still

We have our fair share of disease
And yes we can kill all right when we need to

Lets face it to be honest we are vile
But it could be worse ; we're not human

(Rattus Rattus ).

No. 81: The Bull, 2007

There was a young man from Kabul
Who tried to make love to a bull

He sat on its spike
It went for a hike

And the bleeder fell off like a fool .

No. 82: The Creation, 1990

There was no beginning ,for the Gods always were and always will be . There are no other Gods than the infinite number of metamorphic Gods who created the heavens .

Now of all the billiions of stars and planetary bodies in the universe that they had created , The Gods favoured the Earth , and upon it the Gods created the early lizards which were called the dinosaurs .

The Gods looked at the dinosaurs and admiring their beastly beauty , the Gods transformed themselves to resemble the dinosaurs . Now because the dinosaurs were in the image of the Gods ,the Gods with their grace and in their infinite wisdom made a promise to the dinosaurs : If the dinosaurs could live in peace they would be rewarded by inheriting the Earth for their future generations to live on in paradise for millions of years .

Now the dinosaurs lived on for many years upon the Earth but would sometimes eat eachother and steal eachothers' territories. So the Gods saw to it that a prophet was sent amongst them by the name of Dioplodocus . Now Diplodocus brought a warning to the dinosaurs from the Gods . He told his brethren that if they were not to change their evil ways , the dinosaurs would be devoured by a white plague sent from the Gods.

The unruly dinosaurs did not heed the warning of Diplodocus and the white plague descended from the north and ascended from the south and from both polar caps it multiplied and outwards freezing the oceans and solidifying all the vegetation. And when the whole Earth was frozen by the white plague , the early lizards too were wiped off the face of the Earth for evermore .


After the great thaw , the Earth was restored to its former beauty and the Gods then , after careful consideration , created the woolly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers which were called the early mammals .

The Gods looked at the early mammals and admiring their savage elegance , the Gods transformed themselves to resemble the woolly mammoths and sabre toothed tigers . Now because the woolly mammoths and sabre toothed tigers were in the image of the Gods , the Gods in their wisdom , made a promise to the early mammals:
If the woolly mammoths and the sabre toothed tigers could live peaceably on Earth , they would be rewarded by inheriting the Earth as their own for future generations to live in paradise for millions of years

Now the woolly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers lived on Earth for many years but sometimes the sabre-toothed tigers would eat young mammoths. At other times the woolly mammoths would stampede the sabre-toothed tigers and seize all of their territory thereby taking control of the water supplies and preventing the tigers from drinking , causing many sabre-toothed tigers to die out due to thirst.
the mammals continued thus for many years taking part in continuous territorial disputes..

The Gods having grown weary of their offspring behaving in such an unearthly way decided to send a second prophet down to warn them . The second prophet whom the Gods sent to Earth was called Mastodon . He came and lived amongst his brethren and warned them that if they did not change their evil ways , the early mammals would be wiped of the face of the Earth by a deadly pink plague sent down by the Gods .

The woolly mammoths and sabre-toothed tigers continued to ignore Mastodon's warnings and eventually the dreaded pink plague appeared . It started from the fertile lands then rapidly multiplied , first crawling on the land then developing the ability to swim in the seas. The pink plague then managed to fly in the air . This plague swiftly poisoned the skies , blackened the oceans and contaminated the entire variety of the Earth's vegetation thus exterminating all of the early mammals.

The Gods looked at Man and admiring his industrious intelligence, the Gods transformed themselves to resemble Man . Now because Man was in the image of the Gods, the Gods in their grace and divine wisdom,made no promises .

No.83 : The Stork , 2006

There was an old slut from New York
Who had legs like an elderly Stork

She shagged until dawn
Got up in the morn

And found she was unable to walk

No. 84:The Gorilla, 1989

There was an old man from Manilla
Who slept with a female gorilla

She squeezed his **** tight
Then gave a love bite

And he swore if she left him he'd kill'er .

No. 85: Christmas Day , 2006

It's Christmas day
Christmas pop songs piped out
Family dos and no family don'ts
It would remind you if you're alone .
And all the preaching that goes on
Time for the pastors to reclaim their own
And remind us that what we celebrate
Is the birth of a king
A king who came to save us all
By his sacrifice (they say)
We are saved , yes all of us
Not just those who joined the club.
Now look ,now we know this, look around
Every body's happy .
Millions everyday suffer a miserable existence
And as long as they know that Jesus loves them
they can sigh with relief and carry on .


Christmas day and year after year we thank and praise
and worship and adore and beg at the feet of our symbols
Lest we descend into idolatry .
Christmas day switch on the net and a billion cybersouls
All floating , soaking , watching ,searching , sharing information.
Lost at sea no one in sight to read this floating bottle .
Christmas day it came and it went away .
So glad it's all over . No more sentimental pop
Or variations of the same stale party theme.
The agonising and the rows , the bad vibrations shared all round
Were like a toast of hate in a glass.
Some time to think maybe , some days off
This the gift the Gods have allowed
Time to slow down and contemplate what it was that
Had been in mind.


Christmas day and all is glowing lights flashing
And yes people praying
In far away lands , the non 'Christian' folk
We've punished the bastards and now they're finishing it off!
And pray as they tear themselves apart.
The weather's got better , a lull before the storm
I had my coffee in the garden without a coat.
And cakes and cola and whisky and wine and meat from
all over from tortured game and swine.
The demagogues and celebrities and all the the constituents
Of a stable oligarchy can join with you and
celebrate, It's good to be a part of all this.
And now it's drawing to a close I ask myself
Well was it worth it ?, was it worth the whole divine plot?
Creator and Son or Creator and Co.
Still in business , and so around we go and go.


Christmas day and people all around, yet I am alone
Alone with so many .
All that we invested and all the expectations
have come to this and rubbish sacks at the door
Not picked up for a few days yet
Who can read this message and what good will it do?
Christmas will be over ,or not celebrated there.
Who will save me and set sail to this point
To find a computer generated message playing 'lost at sea '
Just one more time.
And so the party goes on and on and on
Bodies shaking and letting 'it' all out and
Taking it all back from the other end.
Oh what cheer and good will ..
We've got to catch him and crucify him still!

No. 86: Reality, 2006

" We live in a world of appearances, where what appears to seem true ,is not equal to how the truth seems to appear '.

No. 87: The Whore, 1998

There was an old man from Lahore
Who married a beautiful whore

She bedded so many
He got more than a penny

As he smiled cap-in-hand at the door.

No. 88: Silenced , 2006

Silence for those that fought and died for us in the Great War of 1914.......
Lest the war that was to end all wars were to happen again ,
Silence for those others who also died .....
From the opposing armies
They too were ......victims ?
A minute's silence for our heroes......
Every year
Silence .....
A minute's silence for the Second World War .
Silence for Viet Nam , Korea, Lebanon , Palestine , Cyprus ,Rwanda ,
Congo , Former Yugoslavia , Ireland ....Iraq...
Silence for OUR soldiers ,OUR civilians .......OUR dead
A minute's silence for the Tsunami victims
Every year .
Silence for the Madrid train bombings
Silence ........
Silence for the London Train and bus bombings
For one minute
Every year .
A minute's silence
A minute's silence for the death of George Best .....
Every year ?
Silence
A minute's silence every year for Fred who died of natural causes .
Every year
Something to be silent about every year , every month every week
Silence
A minute's silence for this world
Every hour , every minute .........
Silence for......
A minute's silence ....
And we shall never speak again.

No. 89: The Beast , 2006

Darkness , before dawn , alone with a beast
Surrounded by fencing trees , bushes ......darkness
The Beast's eyes , reflecting the moon light ,look toward me like a demon's .

It runs in my direction
I retreat , grabbing a twig I throw it in its direction
It stops and grabs the twig ; time .

I run , again , it runs toward me
As I turn my head to keep check of the beast ...
A rustling of Autumn leaves : Nothingness.

The Beast had gone , in shock I ran through an opening
Shouting , I ran through the fields
Further and further away from where it had all happened .

Still in panic , I ran and ran
Until again I found myself face to face with it..
Grabbed and leashed him and told him what a stupid dog he was .

No. 90: Cyprian Trilogy Part l, 1994

Londinium to Larnax
Caesars' castle burning
As angry Celts with semtex swords maraud
And make their getaway .
Still the mob not stirring
And as Rome falls
Unleashed are servant hounds
Snivelling to salvage pounds
And crumbs
Of a disembowelled
And dis-united King's land
Of schizophrenic pride
Foresaking friend and neighbour
Yielding to an Atlantic bellicose son.
So long Big Ben , King Arthur , Ken
For borders won't divide true brothers
Call me back just when , and if ever .

A Roman subject lost in space ,
A hybrid castaway
Deluded for want of grandeur .
A silver Argonaut of Alexandrian might
High in Angelic heavens .
Due eastward to Earth's centre :
Sea of seas .
From Londinium to Larnax , the road is heavy
And laden with uncertainties
With not much stuff of paper pocket-idols
To express some piety .

Aphrodite in all her beauty
She too , is insane .
She drinks Greek coffee
And dances with her belly
For Greek Sultans
And quotes the ancient Turkish Sophists .

The conquering Seljuk Turks
Three hundred Spartan Greeks
The Lion Hearted Red coats and .....
Diplomatic mercenaries
Each with eyeless grin , and arm outstretched ,
Salutes his multi- coloured ,
Blood-stained rag.

Yet despite her madness , her eyes are sparks
And when she smiles
The Earth , the Sky , the Sea and Winter Sun converge .
One's heart cannot escape but melt
Toward that Godless bliss
Of our own world's centre .

But amidst the jungle
Of her Man- made garden
Ares sleeps ....NO! please don't wake him .
For children , men and women
Died and suffered .
Yet still the vast island of copper lives .
The poor and hungry mortals passing through
Will make their claims
Then perish.
FOOLS!
This rock belongs to no one ,
IT threw you up.........
And in good time will suck you in .

No. 91: Cyprian Trilogy Part ll, 1994

Interim
Living here......so sweet
The citrus trees welcome me as I walk the town
And what a town :so small , small enough to be a part of,
The mid-day winter sun's caress .
Nobody could deny my right to realise my dream.

To stare at glistening seas , contemplate a purple sky
And count the stars at night
Then in good time to gently wake and a earn a humble livelihood
To settle down; I'm making a life here .
Twice so far the fellow migrant swallows have greeted me ,since I've been living here .

The lizards at my feet , countless colours of wild flowers
The butterflies dance around a royal praying mantis , seated on a throne of leaf.
The blazing dragon flies; survivors : alive here.
The rugged hills , cacti and football-pitch valleys,the parched earth, red soil, land-

Mines , barbed wire, firing ranges
The invading flags , blue berets , post colonial garrisons,
National Guards....arms race
Hysteria , propaganda , confusion , slick orators,the mess.......

Living here?

How foolish it will all seem
When I come to , in a cold sweat .

No. 92: Cyprian Trilogy Part lll, 1994

Ciao Zeno

Ciao Zeno! I searched for you in vain
I knew not when, my stoic strength would drain
You too, in shame would turn your head
To see that only on their coins you're read.

Android culture , Mitsibushi donkey-riders high
Men and women with self esteem ; as much as they can buy
Pompous pidgin English , Russian spoken too this season
Their only orthodox Christian ; a criminal accused of treason.

And so the wretched would-be painter seduced by sea and sun and sky
Is retreating , disillusioned with bloody nose and weary eye
His hungry paint brushes placed inside a tea chest , stiffen with complaint
Labouring hands for hire , a shipper's bill no time to paint.

Two years wasted , older, wiser, poorer, no right here to abberate
And little patience left for yet more generations taught to hate
Ciao Zeno ! I'm London bound, guess that's where I'm going to live then die
Inside a test tube where a whole small world lives beneath a wet and windy sky.

So I place the fragments of a broken dream within a carton
And watch my sunny hope subside
My only boon? The urge to come here gone
And one true friend: Experience , standing by my side.

No. 93: Spider, 1984

Spider crawling on the wall
I think I'll have to end your trip

I'll pick you up and throw you out
I'm sure you'll find elsewhere to grip

Maybe you're a house spider
Who's destined to return

Another species just like man
One that just won't learn

No.94:Philosophers, 2006

'The Human being is the only species that begins life as a truly great and inquisitive philosopher, then gradually through education , experience and necessity gradually develops into an opinionated ,bigoted old ignoramus'.

No.95: Piss Artist, 1984

I'm pissed , I'm drunk
A Bacchus incarnate

I got tipsy on whiskey
A converted inebriate

Eveything is rosy
Fine if the night won't end

Ah! what if I sober up
And 'conned' descend ?

No. 96: Mirror, 1984

Mirror cracked from side to edge
An elbow damaged too
A slice of bacon , hyena's sandwich
With sauce of leeches' brew.

Casualty: Doctor and nurse have work to do
To which they disincline
Stitch by stitch , good tailoring
They bind this hide of mine.

What vanity and incontinence
Has caused this bitter strife?
Like Narcissus I've paid my dues
And now I'm scarred for life.

Mirror cracked from edge to side
You who claims to tell no lie
In pieces I have left you
And in pieces so am I.

No. 97: Sleep Walkers, 1990

We sleep in our beds
Then get up and walk in our sleep
In our walk we're asleep

And when it's too late
We wake from our walk
Only to see that we slept in our wake

Then we long to return
To our sleep without wake
Without walk without sleep

No. 98: The Duck, 2001

If by good fortune I had been struck
To reincarnate and be a duck

To shed this human husk so frail
So many things it did but fail

The air too high ,the fall too steep
The rivers cold and waters deep

The earth so wide , its gates erect
I lacked the courage to insurrect

But when the time comes ,I'll be dressed
As one that all the Gods have blessed

Brown 'n' purple robe with hood of green
That sails all weather clad with sheen

To roam bare foot accross all land
No longer just a labouring hand

And most of all that human dream adorn:
Say good bye! to all and be airborn

Oh what a privilege and good luck
To reconstitute and be a duck.

No. 99: Cigarette, 1983

When I kiss you and watch you fade
I confess you are the only lover I have made

You burn my heart and sooth my brain
As I light your fire again and again

They tell me you're no good for me
But I don't give a fart

I will be with you forever
Until death do us part

No. 100: The Fool, 1989

There once was a fool
Who fell from a stool

He remained on the floor
And he fell no more