No.36: Diary of a Non-Entity 4 (Extract from unfinished novel) 2006

This is my diary, I once read a book called 'Diary of a Nobody' , I thought at the time well if he's a nobody what the hell am I? I actually felt envious of the main character. I now think it's time to write my non-story ; Welcome to A Diary of a Nonentity .


17th April 2006

Got up late today .11.0a.m . I had a shower ,got dressed and made cheese on toast for breakfast or more like a brunch considering the time. I looked around at my room and had a sudden urge to tidy up and clean the room , but after a few seconds decided I would not.
I went to the local corner shop .I feared it would be shut but no , it was open. To my dismay one of the sons was serving .
‘Good morning sir’.
‘Good morning , 20 Malignez please’. I caught a glimpse of her , the mother was in the back room counting goods and putting them away . I fell into a stupor as I discreetly focused upon her. She looked so good in jeans and a baggy jumper.
‘Are you enjoying your Easter?’.
‘ Yes , I will be seeing relatives and friends later .’ Not that I was , but it was something to say . I continued to procrastinate as I descended deeper and deeper into an ecstatic make believe world..Only to be woken up.
‘Hello Sir , how are you?’ The husband came to the front of the shop and seemed to be saying , contrary to his spoken words; ‘And how much longer do you intend to leer at my wife today?’
‘I’m fine thanks, see you around’. I left the shop .
If only in some other parallel universe or under a magic spell performed by a real witch . If only I could just be with her and melt into those eyes and be received with that immortal smile…she is a true Indian Goddess. I sometimes think she takes pleasure in the power she has over me .I can tell by the way she looks at me .
I wake up again and walk toward the local park .Full of people of all backgrounds, dogs, children all running around , the smell of barbecue and sound of chatter in so many languages. .….If only I could be a part of this , yet I am like the air.
After a while I found an empty bench. I placed myself down and observed all around many people enjoying the novelty of a sunny day which has not been seen here for a good while now. This was a true spring’s day.
After about twenty minutes I was just about to get up when three youths all dressed in light blue hooded jackets and baggy jeans sat next to me . One on my left and the others on my right . I refrained from leaving immediately as this would have somehow felt wrong ; I may have offended them or may have looked more scared than I wanted to appear , which in turn could have provoked the worst outcome.
I sat in between the three who spoke in a drawl I could not understand , but faintly recognised that it was English based. They continued to talk over me in this manner until the one on the left produced a large hand rolled cigarette from his pocket.
He asked me for a light . I gave him my match box ,the spliff was lit and the three continued to share this cannabis joint, smoking and giggling , talking what sounded like gibberish and looking in my direction making me feel like an object of curiosity .
‘Wanna puff bruv?’ I was made an offer , I refused as the one on my left who offered shrugged and the others giggled . I let them have a few more puffs and moved on .
I did feel a little intimidated but guess they were just young men without any maleficent intentions, on this occasion.

I walked around the park, continued onto the high street , What a difference on a bank holiday . The traffic was thick with groups of people all coming back from excursions , possibly to the sea or countryside.
.By the time I got back it was 7.30pm.I had another shower then reviewed my day . I lied down on the sofa and wept for half a minute or so .Feeling for a moment , after thinking of all the life I saw outside: how unconnected I was with all of them.
I snapped out of it quickly, prepared myself two chunky toasted corned beef sandwiches , opened a bottle of red wine and switched on the radio which was tuned into Radio Melody.
After several hours of listening to bland middle- of -the road music and having finished the bottle , I opened another , poured out a glass , recorked the bottle , put it away and had the last drink and last cigarette by 11.25.pm.
I then made sure the ash tray was not smouldering checked the door and windows ,bolted them and went off to bed ,not bothering to brush my teeth. It was a good day , I feel happy right now , I burped and dozed off . A normal day awaits me tomorrow .